


The (Fake) King's Guide to Stealing

by fvckin_gay, passmethemolly



Category: Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - Thieves, Humor, Lies, Royalty, Short One Shot, kings - Freeform, they are the dumbest thieves to exist i stg
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-06
Updated: 2020-11-06
Packaged: 2021-03-08 20:34:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,770
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27422800
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fvckin_gay/pseuds/fvckin_gay, https://archiveofourown.org/users/passmethemolly/pseuds/passmethemolly
Summary: Dream, George, and Sapnap attempt to steal the royal family's gem.Spoiler alert: They're dumb.
Comments: 8
Kudos: 116
Collections: CoG Writing Tournament Fics





	The (Fake) King's Guide to Stealing

**Author's Note:**

  * For [fvckin_gay](https://archiveofourown.org/users/fvckin_gay/gifts).



> Had the absolute pleasure of writing with @fvckin_gay (AO3) for a quick one-shot story! It was a lot of fun, I highly suggest you try a two-word prompt exercise- especially with friends :) 
> 
> This story was randomly generated through two words: King and Act. 
> 
> Enjoy!!

“Jesus, this crown weighs a ton,” George winced as Sapnap placed it on his head, causing it to slide forward a bit.

“Well, it is solid gold,” Dream said from behind him, lacing up his armored boots and sliding his helmet back over his face.

“Yeah, but I didn’t think my neck would break in half when I wore it.”

Sapnap slapped his hand over George’s mouth. “Stop complaining. You know how many other people would kill just to hold the king’s crown?” 

George rolled his eyes and adjusted the priceless crown on his brown hair. A part of him was absolutely exhilarated to be ‘the big guy’ in this plan because he usually took the backseat and left the lying to his partners. However, George felt like he was about to throw up all over this place. This plan was risky from the beginning, and now it was up to him to sell it to the people that he was the king from Atrea, and the actual king wasn’t tied up unconscious in the locked closet. It was a hard job. 

“Okay- party starts in a few minutes, so we should walk in not too long after that,” Dream explained to them. He pulled out a torn-up book from his back and threw it on the wooden table. He pointed to the plan scrawled on one of the pages.

“George- you’re the distraction. Everyone’s going to want to talk to _you_ , so make sure you keep composure and tell believable lies. Don’t forget that you are royalty to these people, and you have the power not to answer anything, but that’s if you need a getaway answer. If you don’t answer anything, people will get suspicious, and they will tell guards, and it’ll put all of us on the spot.”

George nodded. “Got it.”

“Sapnap- you’re the advisor. Walk around and get as much information on the palace as you can. Keep diplomacy with this nation and give them no reason to hate us. Duh. So far, we know the jewel room is down in the basement. You need to find out where the staircase is and if there are any guards we have to take down too.”  
Sapnap saluted with two fingers. “Yessir.”

“And me-” Dream said, straightening his back. The metal armor creaked as he threw an arm around George’s shoulders. “I’m ‘King Oliver’s’ good knight. His right-hand man. My job is to keep an eye out for anything valuable to steal and anyone who may be a threat to this dumbass plan. And to make sure George doesn’t sell us out.”

“Please, do I even need to bring up what you did a few months ago?” George remarked, folding his arms. Sapnap snorted.

“Oh man, I almost forgot about that. Dude didn’t you literally turn yourself in-”

“Okay! Okay, I get it,” Dream shouted and threw his hands up in defense, but the corners of his mouth quirked up. They may be the worst team of thieves in all nations, but damn it was his team of terrible thieves, and he wouldn’t change it. 

Bells chime off in the palace, and they all exchange one final glance at each other. This was the moment they’ve quite literally been waiting for. All the time spent waiting from the outside to crawl into the window and take the king down when he was alone finally paid off. George’s identity was blurred with King Oliver and they were going to pull off the stupidest heist ever: stealing the family gem. 

As George walked down the long corridors to the party room- Sapnap a few feet to his left and Dream to his right- his fingers itched to touch the jewel. It was crafted and molded from different gems from different family generations. Rubies, diamonds, emeralds- all smelted together in one giant rainbow gem that was worth millions. Maybe even billions. They would soon know.

Sapnap opened the door for George and shot him a final wink, and then all eyes were on him. The party room music was soft and everyone looked to the king, dropping down in bows as he walked by them and to the King of Echos. His heart was hammering in his ears, and his instinct was to fight and make a mad run to the room. He needed self-control, though. They had no idea where the basement was and how guarded it was. 

“King Oliver! Welcome to Echos. We’ve thrown this party for you to show gratitude for being a new ally in this coming war,” the king said and George could feel the power radiate off of him. George bowed his head in respect and smiled up at him, ignoring the bead of sweat running down his temple. 

“Thank you, your highness. It looks amazing,” George responded. He saw Dream stifle a groan out of the corner of his eye. The king walked by and back into the crowd. George assumed it was to continue talking to the wealthy and the powerful for whatever war was happening. 

“George? ‘It looks amazing!’ really?” Dream mocked his accent. “Royal snobs don’t say amazing. They say magnificent or stunning or some shit. Not amazing.”

“Okay, jeez. Noted,” George said with a wave of his hand. He saw Sapnap weaving through the crowds, smiling and greeting people, but his eyes were scanning the walls. 

“Your majesty?” A voice said to him. George froze before slowly turning to a woman in a flowing purple gown.

“Yes?”

“I would like to discuss your plan for the war? I am interested to hear about how your nation is preparing for this battle.” 

“Oh! You see...um- It’s a bit complicated,” George started, and the woman scrunched her nose.

“Complicated? Our king has told us you plan on aiding our troops, but I want to know how and what your plan of defense is?”

“I- yes. That’s one of the plans. How is our nation going to defend itself? That’s a bit complicated-”

“Sire, I recall you mentioning that you’re putting our troops through a training process too. Along with sending Echos any medical supplies and extra food to feed the fight troops,” Dream finished behind him with a pointed tone. George was starting to wish this crown did snap his neck. The woman raised her eyebrows and stared at George, waiting for an agreement. 

“Yes! Yes, that’s what we are also doing,” George nodded.

“Also? What other plans-”

“I’m sorry, miss, but the king has other people he needs to talk to. It was wonderful meeting you,” Dream said, putting a guiding hand on George’s shoulder and leading him away from her.

“I’m sorry, that was so-”

“Bad? You’re an idiot George,” Dream sighed, but he gave him a small pat on his back. “Don’t worry about it. That’s why I’m here! Come on, let’s go see if Sapnap found the room yet.”

When George and Dream walked up to Sapnap, he was practically buzzing with the new information he got from talking with these snobby ass people. He found where the staircase was and found that one guard guards the room, so it shouldn’t be hard to fool him or take him down. 

“You find it?” Dream asked him in a low voice, eyes looking around for eavesdroppers.

“Yeah, and I think they lessened security to have guards here at the party; I should be able to get in easy,” Sapnap answered, an almost cocky smile spreading across his face.

“You might want to hurry. George can’t act to save his life.”

“Hey!” George said, “Just because I can’t come up with an entire war plan on the spot doesn’t mean-”

“King Oliver!” One of the partygoers called out.

“Please, be quick,” Dream said, nodding to Sapnap before grabbing George’s arm and turning the both of them towards the source of the voice. Sapnap slipped away relatively easily, smiling and bowing his head towards whoever caught his eye as he passed through the crowd of nobles. 

_Down the hall, to the left. Down the hall, to the left,_ he repeated over in his head. _Down the hall,_ he nearly ran down the hallway, just barely keeping his composure enough not to seem too suspicious. _And to the left,_ he rounded the corner only to freeze in his tracks as he saw the guard stationed at the jewel’s room staring straight at him.

“Looking for the restroom, sir?” The guard called to him.

“Y-Yeah, you know where it is?” Sapnap asked back, silently cursing himself for stuttering.

“Of course, come with me,” they motioned for him to follow as they walked further down the corridor. Sapnap took quick strides to catch up. The guard stopped and opened a door for him to enter through.

“Thanks!” He chirped with a smile. But then the guard walked in behind him, shutting the door.

“Hope you don’t mind, but we’re going to just wait here for a little while. Your friends are on their way,” they said in a sickly sweet tone.

Dread pooled in Sapnap’s stomach; _What gave us away? I bet George messed this up, that fucking dumbass. I knew he shouldn’t have been the one to pretend to be the king!_  
“So, uh… you got a name?” He asked. There was no response, but he did get a look of sheer boredness with the question.

“Just thought I’d ask,” he said weakly.

The seconds felt like hours as he sat in silence, locked in a staring match with the guard. There was a knock at the door, and they roughly shoved Sapnap out the door, causing him to stumble a bit before looking up into the eyes of Dream and George. Dream looked almost furious while George was just flushed in embarrassment.

“Apparently King Oliver’s pretty famously a ginger,” George said with a nervous laugh.

“You’ve got to be fucking kidding me.”

“Nope,” Dream said. He heaved out an annoyed sigh and wrapped his hand around the handle of his sword. “Dream team- you know what to do.”

In an instant, George whipped around and ran down the hallway with the red cloak waving behind him. Dream swung his sword. The sound of scraping metal filled the halls as he and the guard sliced at one another, buying Sapnap enough time to slide underneath him. Dream pounded his knee into the guard’s stomach, causing them to double over, and he shoved them to the ground.

Dream pressed the tip of the sword to the guard’s forehead. 

“Tell them we’ll be back.”

With that threat hanging in the air, Dream ran.


End file.
